The Trouble
by Emesis
Summary: The epic saga of clown cars, pimps, and giant birds with cinnabon obsessions. WARNING:May cause instand death in certain species of cave fish. Chapter 8 is a songfic to Eminem's "Without Me!". R&R, for I am a starving author XD
1. Chapter 800

Chapter  800(Neeeeh! I, Cait Sith, have deemed it so!)

"Where am I?!"-Steiner

As Steiner awoke, his first thought was how incredibly sexy....

Cait Sith:AAAAAAAHAAAAAAA! No, I'm just kidding. 

*AHEM*

As Steiner awoke, his first thought was Beatrix, and how incredibly sexy....

Um, oops. Take 3!

As Steiner awoke, his first thought was Chia(Cha Cha Cha Chia!) Pets(tm), and how incredibly sexy...

  
O_o

As Steiner awoke, his first thought was "Where am I?!"(DUH! Who else wouldn't think that!)

--------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Zidane was drunk. No Cait Sith meddling here. He was just drunk. On beer. Or vodka. His breath kinda smells like sake though... You decide. Read and review, peons!

Huhuhuh, peons. You said PEONS!

Kinda makes you wonder, doesn't it?

PEE-ONS=Peons, maybe?

  
Nah?

Ah, I guess not.

Well, anyway....

---------------------------------------

SOME TIME LATER(Don't even ask me how much time. Just time OoO- Hey look, an alien smiley!)

Steiner, being the, uh, genius he is, had decided to get off the island. After days of building, his raft was finall finished!

He pushed the raft into the clear blue water, where it promptly sank.

After this, Steiner had but one thing to say, one highly philosophical arguement.

"..."

"CRAP!"

~End of Chapter 1~ 

So, what do you think? I am a bit inexperienced in humor writing, having writing but one MST before, and a large history of comics(But they relied heavily on visual slapstick). Chapter 2 is coming real soon, perhaps later today, or 

some time tomorrow.


	2. The Effect of Boredom Rears its Ugly Hea...

Episode 56 1/2

"WAR IS KEWWWL!!"-Random Hobo(That's his real name. Don't ask)

The King of Lindbulm called a War Council.

  
Why? 

Cuz war is cool man!

Like, machine guns, NENENENENEN!, and like, like, TANKS, and BOMBS! And.... WAY COOL!

(Emesis:i m teh only intelignet wun heer d0od1sz!!!11111111)

Anyway, Zidane was brooding, and stuff, instead of acting like his normal pimpin' self.

Now, I'll switch to script mode.

Why?

BEACUES  I CAN SPLEL GUD NOOW.!!!@

Zidane:Why should we rescue Rusty? What did he do for us?

Cinna:Um...Because he was the best fighter, and got your ugly, monkey tailed butt out of thousands of hairy situations?

Suddenly, a giant bird comes down, picks Cinna up and eats him.

All:*Laughing 70s TV show style*How cute!

-------------------------------------------------------

L8R...

On the beach...

Fithos....

Lusec...

(*Cait Sith comes in with his MEGAPHOEN 4 ULTIMOTE D00M11 and kills the choir*)

*Beatrix is walking around in a generally random fashion, then notices a giant pile of dog crap on the beach*

Beatrix:How rude! *Runs toward the dog crap and takes out a shovel* I shall scoop thee, vile shiznit!

*Beatrix starts beating Steiner mercilessly with a pooper scooper*

Steiner:Um, hey Beatrix?

Beatrix:Yes?

Steiner:Have you ever noticed that you're BEATING THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME WITH A SHOVEL?

Beatrix:*Shrugs*Oh, that. Yeah. Are you scooped yet?

~End of Episode 2~

Told ya. :-P

This chap--er, episode was done around 30 seconds after the first chapter was published.


	3. Big PIMPin

Chapter 4(Oh back to the normal continuity system, oh back to it we gooooo!)

Meanwhile...

Kuja was sitting around, dreaming of Kuja-ish things.

Like thongs!

And of course, what he was going to do with his TV....

Life sucks when you can't watch Martha Stewart, you know!

Anyway....

---------------------------------------

"MuahahahNahauhahahahahaBooyaakaaa!" Kuja squealed with feminine delight. "Wait!" Stray, his loyal servant, and a really ugly esper guy who looks remarkably like Cait Sith, except, um, more ugly. "You forgot Fozzie Bear's laugh!" 

"Oh yes. WAKAWAKAWAKA! Now, you may go dip yourself into the acid pit." "Yay!" the ecstatic cat creature shouted. "You are the best evil master ever!"

"Anyway, my CREATION is here..."

His remaining minions, which consisted of Bob the stuffed rabbit, Some Random Hobo, and Patrick Star. Yes, the Starfish from Spongebob. I kid you not.

"And I have deemed it…."

"P.I.M.P.!"

SRB raised his hand, being a good little Hobo. "Any particular thing that stands for?"

"No, I just wanted to name it P.I.M.P. Something of a childhood dream."

"But if it did stand for something, it would have bunnies. And stuff."

"Just what I expected" Hobo sighed.

---------------------

"So, how's the old man doin?"

"Oh, not so good, Blank. He's acting a bit…Strange, you know?"

--------------------

"I am sooooooooooo KAWAII!!!" Steiner yelled.

Zidane screamed as if being castrated with a blunt object.

Blank had a sudden thought. It sounded kinda like Zidane was having, his, uh, you know, package ripped off by some creature with rabies.

"I'm comin', Zidane!"

-----------------

What Blank saw in that room would remain etched in his mind forever.

Well, maybe not forever, but at least a few hours or so.

Pretty long time when you have an IQ of 42.

THE END, f00!

Next Chapter: What the heck did Blank see anyway?


	4. Sailor Steiner XD

Cahptor 54!

Zidane was in the infirmary, screaming his ugly monkey tail off.

Steiner was in a dress. A pink tutu to be exact.

"I AM SO....KAWAII!" Steiner squealed, and did a split, at which Zidane winced:No normal man could do such a thing!

------------------

After many hours of cuddling, rubber duckies, and balloons(And often all three simultaneously), they(the men in suits) had managed to give Steiner a few shots with a tranquilizer, the kind that can knock an elephant out cold for a year with one shot-Yet he was still stirring.

Zidane:Hey man, does anyone think it's sad that Steiner is having a seizure?

Most People:Oh no!

More People:Oh no!

Even More People:Oh no!

Kool Aid Man(On Surfboard):Oooooh Yeah!

*Everyone looks at Kool Aid Man Strangely*

Man in Bathroom in Rocket Town:Ooooooh Yeah!

Everyone:Ewwwwwwwwwww

-------------------------------------

Zidane:So what're we gonna do about this? How can we find who caused Steiner to turn into... Well, "Magical Girl Pretty Steiner!" as he termed it.

*Shiver*

Garnet:*Spontaneously combusts*

Zidane:You KILLED HER!

*A basket of fruit appears*

Zidane:YAaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

---------------------------------------

Blank:Anyway, I think...Well, I think Coconut Donuts are the order of the day!

Everyone:Ohhhhhhhhh YE- Oh wait I hate Coconut Donuts.

Everyone:BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*Blank is pelted with bananas, monkey feces, blunt crayons, used condoms, and tiny little vials marked BIOHAZARD*

Blank:NOoooooooooooooo *Runs away slow motion*

----------------------------------

Cinna:Okay, I  think.......

*The bird swoops down and eat Cinna again*

Zidane:Silly Cinna, he thinks you're a Cinnabon!

Everyone laughs

Kool Aid Man:Oh YEAH!

Torch-Weilding Townspeople:GET 'IM!

*Torch Weilding Men drive the Kool Aid Demon out of town* Git! GIT!

Um, like the end.

IN THE NEXT EPISODE....

  
Squall*Motioning with arms, talking valley girl style*:WhatEVERRRRRRRRRR Hey a bagel *Eats*


	5. Can you feel the Testosterone flowing? N...

Chapter 6-The Sixth Chapter, and it's the 6th Chapter or so, I think.

Zidane:So, do you think did this terrible- but, admittedly funny- thing to Steiner?

Amarant:I say Queen Brahne!

Zidane:Why?

Amarant:I dunno, just felt like saying "Queen Brahne"

Zidane:Yeaaaaaaaaaah........

Amarant:Okay cmon guys lets get drunk

*Amarant and his posse, which consists of several midgets, a mime, and of course the trademark circus bear, presumably leaving the fic forever*

Zidane:Any more suggestions?

Beatrix:I'd say Queen Brahne.

Zidane:Already suggested. Next!

Beatrix*Crying*:But I think it's Queen Braaaaaaaahne!

Freya:I believe that it's...

Beatrix:Queen Brahne!

Zidane:Shh let her talk

Beatrix:But......!

Freya:Any-

Beatrix:QueenBrahne!

Freya:I think-

Beatrix:BRAHNE!

Freya:It is my bel-

Beatrix:Quuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeennnnnn....

Freya:It's pro-

Beatrix:Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahne....

Freya:Will you jus-

Beatrix:Brahne!

Freya:Shut the-

Beatrix:QUEENIE!

Freya:SHUT THE +_(@#_@( UP ALREADY!

Beatrix*Covering ears*:Lalalalalala QUEEN Lalalalalalala BRAHNE

The same bird swoops down and kills Beatrix.

Zidane:Oh no.... Is she dead yet?

Blank*Looking behind him*:Yeah, I think the bird's started mutilating her now.

Zidane:Ah good, now I can say this and she won't hear. YOU SUCK BEATRIX!

Zidane:Ah that felt good to get offa my chest.

Freya:Anyway, I think it's Kuja.

  
Zidane:Any particular reason?

  
Freya:As a matter of fact, I think it's because some fangirl revived him in a fic because they have a crush on him. And then they probably made him turn good so he can get it on with Zidane yaoi-style. Too bad for them there are no more porn fics on the site, Muahahahahaha.

  
Zidane:That was so MEAN!

Zidane:But it was feasible, really.

Zidane:Yeah. Okay, meeting adjourned. Beer time!

*Everyone takes out a cleverly hidden, and previously invisible bottle of Budweisers and starts chugging*

Zidane*Pointing to his bottle*:Budweiser-It gets you drunk off your ass!

Budweiser Agent:Good, good. Now you have furthered our schemes for WORLD DOMINATION! *Hands Zidane $1,000*

Zidane:Hey, what is this crap?! I thought you said you'd give me money!

ThE eNd Do0d


	6. Lovingly Dedicated to all Freakin Smelly...

Chapter 7 j0

Patrick Star took out his submachine gun and started shooting up the place. "NOOOOOOOO!" he shouted, as the evil consumed him…

"j0!" Hobo shouted, reciting the "SECRET(AND QUITE L337) WORD OF AWAKENING!".

Patrick bolted up. "NO! NO! You'll never get me alive! BASTARDSSSS!"  he brought up his weapon again, and started blasting his enemies apart.

"Um… Patrick… Any chance you'll put that pencil down?"

"I can't believe you're talking about pencils at a time like this! This is life and death, man! LIFE AND DEATH!"

"Hmm… You know what to do, guys."

Amarant, Pikachu, and Bart(Yes, from Xenogears) came in and injected the delusional starfish with a strange syringe.

Patrick Star was pronounced dead.

A bunch of crappy, low budget music was played.

And thus ends this stupid filler text.

Onto the story!

--------------------------------

Blank, Zidane, Freya, and Jiminy Cricket were walking in the desert, searching for Slim Jims.   
  


Zidane:We need food!

3 hours later….

  
Freya:Hey, Blank, have some of the Zidane! It tastes great!

Blank*Takes a bite outta Zidane's ass* Mm-Mm Good!

Zidane:If you don't mind… I'm still alive!

Blank:He IS?

Freya:He looked pretty dead to me.

Freya rams her spear into Zidane's side.

Freya:Are you dead yet?

Zidane:No.

Freya pokes Zidane again

  
Freya:Now?

Freya jams her spear into Zidane's crotch!  
  


Zidane:Fu……

Blank:ZIDANE I am ASHAMED. No bad words! Now what where you gonna say?  
  


Zidane:Oh…Uh… Fuzzy BUNNIES!

Blank:Goood…. EEEEEEEEEEEEXCELLENT.

Suddenly a massive plot hole swallows up the trio and dumps then in Kuja's Freakin' Lair.

Freya:Hey where's Jiminy?

Meanwhile, in a Galaxy Far Far Away….

Sora:What the Hell is that thing?

Donald:I dunno ::Steps on Jiminy:: Crap.

Now back to our heroes!

Kuja:Hey, how'd you get in my Freakin' Lair?

Zidane:Um… Blame the plot hole.

Freya:LSD… **LSD!**

Ranma:Heyooooooooooooooooooooo ::Explodes::

Pikachu:Pika-::Is crushed by a giant monkey statue::

Kuja:Well why ever you're here in my Freakin' Lair, you better leave!

Zidane:HahahahahahahaHA. We will not leave!

Kuja:Why the hell not?

Zidane:Because we have BAD GRAMMER on our side!

Kuja: ::Pointing to Zidane:: This guy are sick!

Chapter 7 has ended d00d.

::Does the Freakin' Cool Dance::


	7. Default Chapter

  
  


No matter which way Cait Sith looked at it, the rusty old knight standing in front of him was bored.

So, the exceedingly generous(Cait Sith:AYYAYAYAYAYAYAAYyaYAY! *At this point Cait Sith has knocked Emesis out  with a massive rock*. This is my story, where I star!), beautiful, spectacular, magnificent, and awfully handsome stuffed cat took it upon himself to liven up Steiner's life a little.

This is not good.


	8. Without Me Songfic Hehehe

Chapter 8

Kuja:j0 and welcome to my Ub3r K3wL Freakin' Lair.

*Lani bursts in*

Lani:This is Kuja's-

Zidane:Freakin'

Lani:Lair?

Lani:I'm hunting for Dagger j0 so where the F0Ck is she?

Kuja:Huh? I dunno.

Zidane:She imploded a few chapters ago. I was appeased by the author with some fruit chews so I let it go

Author:Fruit chews? What fruit chews?

Author:I gave you... I dunno what I gave you so SCREW IT.

Kuja:Anywayz, my evil plan is....

Zidane:*Puts on his makeup*

Kuja:NO

Director:CUT!

Director:Bitch, you were supposed to be putting the makeup on BEFORE the act, bitch!

Zidane:Y-yes, master...

Director:Bitch, you better, bitch, or I'm not gonna play that game we always play tonight, bitch!

Zidane*Truly in fear*:Yes, yes, of course Master.

Kuja:ANYWAY ahem. My Secret Plan is... To give the world a soundtrack!  
  


*One-Winged Angel starts playing*

Zidane:NO that sucks.

*Zidane changes the music to Mambo No. 5*

Kuja:AAAAH! MY EARS!

*Music changes to Otherworld*

Zidane:NO

*Music changes to Without Me*

*Garland suddenly falls through the roof*

Zidane & Kuja:What the hell?

Garland:I FEEL A SONG COMING ON!

....

AHEM....

Two medieval girls go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside....

Whoooooo!

Guess who's back... Back again... Garland's back... Be afraid...

Zidane:Guess who's back 

Kuja:Guess who's back 

Lani:Guess who's back 

Freya:Guess who's back 

Cinna:Guess who's back...

(Waitasecond, isn't Cinna dead?)

I've created a monster, cuz nobody wants to see Garland no more

They want Kuja, but I say screw you!

If you want Kuja this is what I'll give you:

A triple kick to the crotch and a shock to your brain,

A trip to Hell, I'll show you pain!

Kick you in the ass right while you're masturbating,

Could never really spell inoculating…

I know that you got ideals Miss Lani, but Garnet-chan's imploded recently.

So the FF9 won't let the world be mine,

I'll sneak attack 'em while they're watching 7 of 9.

They tried to shut me down in FF1, cuz they thought it would be awesome without me!

So c'mon get blood on your sword,

Waste cash on dumb stuff like beer and whores.

And get ready.  
Cuz Kuja's about to go crazy.

I just thought of it, he's a whacko.

F*** you Kuja!

Zid's immature and Mikotos's a whore,

And all the fans say "I like Kuja more!"

But he ain't cool- That's a necessity.

They think it'd be awesome without me!

Zid's immature and Mikotos's a whore,

And all the fans say "I like Kuja more!"

But he ain't cool- That's a necessity.

They think it'd be awesome without me!

Little sporkheads,

I wish that they were dead,

Embarrass me, till I scream like a drunk whore,

Till someone comes along with a mission and yells "Food for the poor!"

  
Zidane:WHAT?!

A missionary, asking for canned foods,

Starting some confusion

Pollutin' the airwaves.

A turtle.

So just let me tremble and gasp, as I see how much that thong reveals Kuja's ass…

And it's a disaster, such a catastrophe, 

Cuz they see so much of his ass that Vivi puked and Zidane screamed.

Well I'm back

NANANANANA!

::Random Gibberish::

I'm on the moon like a "laser"

He gets all the attention.

Back for my fame,

He's just too "kewl"

The best thing since chlorine pools

Investing in Genome's lives and resting…

Lani:Testing, attention please….

I gotta go potty, so no attention please,

My 2 cents, Kuja sucks, that's free.

::Random Gibberish::

Zid's immature and Mikotos's a whore,

And all the fans say "I like Kuja more!"

But he ain't cool- That's a necessity.

They think it'd be awesome without me!

Zid's immature and Mikotos's a whore,

And all the fans say "I like Kuja more!"

But he ain't cool- That's a necessity.

They think it'd be awesome without me!

::Random Gibberish::

I go tit for tat wit'

Martha Stewart, she's a bore,

And a whore,

Want some more?

And Kuja? I hope you get killed by Ozma,

You 26 year old transvestite.

You don't know me, you're too weird, I'm running,

It's over

Nobody likes ugly shemales!

And let's go!

Just gimme the finger and I'll be there just like a gunslinger,

Patrick's been suspenseful with a pencil ever since Zidane decided to pimp like a minstrel.

Sometimes man it just seems, everybody's sucking up to Kuja-chan,

I really think that you're a loser, man.

But it's just me, but I know all!

I'm the very first king of FF villains,

Before me there isn't nobody,

To do evil deeds is very tiring, 

So I think soon I'll be retiring,

But at least since I'm original bad guy I got bling-bling!

HEY! 

Here's a concept that works:80 million other copy villains emerge, but no matter how many fish in the sea, they think it'd be awesome without me!

Zid's immature and Mikotos's a whore,

And all the fans say "I like Kuja more!"

But he ain't cool- That's a necessity.

They think it'd be awesome without me!

Zid's immature and Mikotos's a whore,

And all the fans say "I like Kuja more!"

But he ain't cool- That's a necessity.

They think it'd be awesome without me!

NANANANANANANANANANA

Garland:Kids!

(THEY SUCK!)

Zidane:Ooo-kaaay…

END

Hmm… My first songfic. Sorry if it sounds Parappaish, with all the weird rhymes and all, but ah well.


End file.
